"You must remember this, a kiss is still a kiss". Your romance is Casablanca. A classic story of love in trying times, chock full of both cynicism and hope. You obviously believe in true love, but you're also constantly aware of practicality and societal expectations. That's not always fun, but at least it's realistic. Try not to let the Nazis get you down too much.
It drives me absolutely nuts when my internet fucks up. I just can't handle it. I guess it's kind of pathetic that I have such a dependency on this stupid inanimate object. But I use the net for so many things! I use it, most importantly, to procrastinate, But also to do research, to blog, to find pretty pictures of Brian Molko and mostly, to catch up with my friends. *pines for an agreeable internet* This sucks Testikles.
In recent news, I have now managed to make yet another seemingly polite person cuss like a sailor, not unlike the cockatoo my great-grandfather once owned. *points and laughs at Evan* It's almost as much of a victory as making my mum swear. I was so proud of that. *beams* I'm not evil, honest! Okay, so maybe I am a little. But it's a good evil. I'll keep telling myself that.
Today was the muck-up photo, where the entire grade went out of their way to look like dickheads, instead of doing it accidentally like they normally do. It was amusing, because a few of us forgot to bring our illegally obtained traffic cones etc. so we borrowed them from the school. LOL. So everyone else had these pilfered signs, and we had these perfectly legitimate ones from the school groundskeepers. Oops. Still, I got to hold a "SLOW" sign over Erin's head, so I'm happy.
Not only is my internet fucking up, but I’m completely out of phone credit too. I’m completely isolated in terms of communication. I FEEL SO ALONE! Okay, so I’m being a tad melodramatic, but it still totally smells bad. Back to the net issue, blogger wouldn’t let me publish, so all my shiny template adaptations are currently hiding. I’ve said it before, and I’m bound to say it again, I hate blogger. *smites blogger* Okay, my rage has now subsided, to be replaced by complete and utter apathy and tiredness. Thus, I’ve lost all impulse to blog.
I don't have anything to say, but my bitch-whore blog won't let me publish my template changes without posting. I hate you blogger. *hisses*
caroline 18:44 [+] ...
:: Thursday, August 28, 2003 ::
Today was stressful to say the least. But hey, I'm in denial now, so it's all good.
Things I'm worried about, just to get them off my chest. - fucking up drama for Evan and Nicky
- making a total arse of myself onstage
- not getting special provisions
- not looking good for the valedictory dinner and formal
- STUFF
I don't like being stressed. I'm so not used to it, because I usually don't give a fuck. *pines for apathy*
*reverts to childhood and starts drawing pretty pictures in the sand*
caroline 22:33 [+] ...
:: Wednesday, August 27, 2003 ::
Things happen for a reason, of that I am certain. Sometimes however, I have difficulty figuring out what the fuck that reason is. Lately I've been recieving "coincidental" reminders of something that happened over a year ago. I have a vague idea of what they're suggesting, at least the general thing, but I can't for the life of me figure out whether they're saying yes or no. Yeah, I know that this post is cryptic. Big deal. I'm not in a mood to be open. I'm taking a page from the books of my male freinds and repressing, repressing, repressing. My friends have made me an emotional retard. Or maybe I always was one. But it's so much easier to shift blame. :D
There were so many things I wanted to say today but didn't. I couldn't really. Pfft. Damn secrets. They corrode the soul even more than coke does. But what can you do? Nothing. FUCK ALL. *whines*
I had a strange dream last night. Usually I forget my dreams before I wake, and this one is now mostly forgotten. The one thing that sticks in my mind about this one is a particular phrase I said in the the dream. As rare as it is for me to remember a dream, it's even rarer for me to remember the exacts words used in a dream. But these words circled in my mind the whole day. "Even if it was a choice, I would love you"- I have no idea who I said it to the dream though. So odd.
I'm still tired. I'm bored too. I'm summoning Jenny, but with no succcess. So very annoying. *pines for sleep and decent convo*
Pfft.
*sings*
I.P. is done! YAY!!!
I feel this enormous sense of relief, but I'm still very apprehensive about the group project. So much to do. *imitates Mike and ignores problem* There's nothing I can do about it at this very moment, so I simply won't think of it. I'm so very tired. I got a total of three hours sleep this morning, and an hour's worth of fitful napping on the common room couch during Ancient History and a free. I'm dead to the fucking world. *falls asleep*
*wakes with a start*
Well this is a waste of a post. I'm too tired to even form coherent sentences. I was hopeless today, acting almost as though I were drunk. Too tired to talk, walk or even balance standing up. Need sleep. Need so much sleep.
Note to Jenny: we're going formal shopping asap, okay? I'll scrounge the time somewhere.
*meanders off to find sleep*
caroline 19:43 [+] ...
:: Sunday, August 24, 2003 ::
*looks at I.P.*
*shrugs*
It'll all be over soon, which I'm glad of. I just wish it was already over. Once I.P is done, the mammoth task of completing the Group Work takes precedence. And after that; study. Watch me giving a fuck.
The HSC is so not worth the effort. But there isn't much time left. I'm counting the seconds.
I spent several hours doing my I.P. today. There's still quite a bit left to be done, but at least I've made a dent into it. I should be doing research right now, but to be honest, my brain isn't used to working for more than two hours a day. I've used up today's cranial capacity. Now I'm only fit for writing inane blog entries and unimaginative conversation.
In recent news, Mike STILL doesn't get blogging. I'd put a link in, but I've not gotten permission yet. Perhaps it's unfair to say he doesn't GET blogging. He just does it very differently to the way I think it should be done. But hey, who cares. I'm hardly going to read it anyway. I have such a short attention span lately.
I love deliberately inciting reactions in people. It's such a power trip, knowing that doing or saying one particular thing will always produce a particular response in a person. It's a game. And it's very fun to play.
*grins evilly*
me=incendiary
*remembers a certain incident today*
Don't taint my happy, even if it is at someone else's expense. I KNOW you like them, but I don't. And it isn't without reason. Perhaps it isn't my war, but I'm going to fight it anyway. It's not like anyone else will. And anyway, it's FUN. It's not like I particularly damage the other party. They just whinge about it a lot.
STOP BEING SO CONDESCENDING! Or at least fucking say something instead of giving me "bad kitty" scolding looks. I'm only doing what's deserved.
Pfft.
*sees emotion crawling along the ground*
AARRGHHH! FEELINGS!! MUST SQUISH! MUST KILL!!!!!
*jumps frantically up and down on emotions, smashing them to a pulp*
And who said I couldn't do impressions?
caroline 23:07 [+] ...
:: ::
I really should be doing my drama I.P. right now. Pfft. I have so little inclination. I can't imagine doing anything but sleeping with any particular fervour.
I don't even have the inclination to blog. I actually have no idea why I'm still typing. I have nothing to say.
Today was a shitter of a day. I was poor company, and spent large parts of the day licking my (partly) self-inflicted wounds. The tangible tension in the air at school has grated on my nerves until they're withered beyond recognition. I'm wondering how I can stand another day of post-exam stress-induced self-absorbed whining. More importantly, I'm wondering how much more I can take of being surrounded by people who repress their every emotion as though it were a mortal sin to express feeling. It's so fucking stifling. I love my friends, all of them. I really do. I'm just desperate for someone to be blunt, honest and open.
*cowers in a corner, twitching nervously and apprehensively*
This could be bad.
And that could be even worse.
Oh dear. The messes we make for ourselves. Oh dear oh dear.
I'm feeling rather paranoid. Had you guessed? *glances quickly over shoulder*
Everything could turn out sooo badly. Very bad indeed.
*crawls off to find a blankie*
caroline 21:32 [+] ...
:: Sunday, August 17, 2003 ::
Kitty's Product of the Day: Aaron's Quick and Easy Love Test 10 simple questions, guaranteed to provide you with an answer to your burning question, whether you like it or not. Fan-fucking-tastic.
Available for just $4.95 from Az himself. Everyone should get one.
note to Jenny: I got the random impulse to come online at exactly 19:37 today. I was unable to, because someone else was using the computer. I have a feeling this was a case of summoning. Am I right? If it is, this is just getting TOO odd.
I'm really bored. I think I'll fall back on the age-old tradition of relating the events of my lacklustre day. The day began with indulging my nerd tendancies until about 2.30 am. I then retired to bed, to catch a few hours of sleep, with a butterfly net. I then pinned them to my cork board. I woke up to a nutritional breakfast of V and a sandwich. Mmmm, guaranalicious. I then went to Evan's house to dram group work. Our group session was similar to all previous ones, with 90% of the time spent pissing about. The other 10% is divided between raiding Evan's food cupboards and actually doing drama work. We kinda choreographed one scene, and talked a lot. Of course, most of what we talked about bore no relevence to drama. It's the usual pattern. After Nicky left, I stayed for a while, because I was none to eager to go home. Evan I talked, and agreed to a tie at Mario Kart. I'm quite surprised that he didn't cane me. Suck crap Evan. Two things made the day awesome: yummy cake with yummier icing, and finding something that completely grosses Evan out. YAY! Payback time.
Can't think of anything else to say.
caroline 21:00 [+] ...
:: Saturday, August 16, 2003 ::
HAPPY BIRTHDAY AARON! (You get to buy me booze now. Good boy) Now begins the daunting task of completing my two drama projects; group and individual.
There's so much to do, for both. I don't particularly care if I fuck the IP, but I actually CARE about the group work. I don't want to fuck up the others' marks.
Stupid work. STupid HSC.
caroline 22:24 [+] ...
:: Friday, August 15, 2003 ::
Kitty gratefully accepts Jenny's apology, and offers hug again. Kitty breathes huge sigh of relief that Jenny isn't cranky with her no more. Kitty grins, because writing in third person really IS fun.
My trials are all done. Which is good. I fucked them, but I'm so totally past caring. And now I have to do a fuckload of work for drama. Great.
happy happy! Jenny's going to the formal, which in itself is awesome. But she's also going with Baker! I'm so incredibly happy for her. *gushes in advance over their beautiful formal photos* This is so cool.
righteous indignation Krystal Myer is a fucking scrag. How dare that jaundiced bitch imply that my Jenny is unworthy of baker? Fuckin idiot. And anyway, what right does she have to comment? Baker asked Jenny, not the other way 'round obviously baker thinks Jenny is good enough for him.
On this day.... On this day, exactly four years ago, I did my hair in lots of tiny plaits, dressed in the most alternative clothes I could find in my year eight wardrobe and headed in to the Moore Park showground. (now Fox studios) I was there to get my $30 worth of entertainment from Silverchair. Before the concert, I bought the t-shirt that Jenny now so proudly wears.
The opening act was the very poor Pre-Shrunk. The restless crowd practically booed their weird techno-rock asses off the stage.
What followed Pre-Shrunk was the highlight of the evening, and in fact the highlight of that year for me.
Placebo.
Performing songs from Without You I'm Nothing. I remember actually dancing/moshing. Can you believe it? Me, moshing. I pushed my way right up to the front of the pit too and stared up at their rockin performance.
After Placebo, SIlverchair seemed, frankly, shit. I actually wandered out of the pavillion to go and get a drink. They couldn't really hold my interest. Thus began, I suppose, my infatuation with Placebo. Lol. Or obsession.
caroline 15:50 [+] ...
:: Wednesday, August 13, 2003 ::
It's so strange.
You can think you're over something, think it's just a distant memory, a time you can look back at and laugh at your own foolishness, your own frailty, at the irony.
Until you actually do look back, and find that you're crying instead of laughing.
It's so stupid. It was stupid to begin with, but it's made even more so by the fact that it can still make me feel like this.
A year is a long time. A year is a fucking lifetime. A year is more than enough time for the pain to vanish, isn't it? It should be. Maybe I'm defective. Probably.
I wrote a song the other night. Which means there must be something wrong with me. I don't write poetry anymore.
Stupid memories. Had to come and rear their ugly heads again.
Why now though?
I think it's a timely reminder. A necessary warning, before I fall into the same trap again.
I'll try not to.
But it may be too late.
Fuck.
We were tight, but it falls apart as silver turns to blue.
Waxing with a candlelight, and burning just for you.
Allocate your sentiment, and stick it in a box.
I've never been an extrovert, but i'm still breathing.
With hindsight, I was more than blind, lost without a clue.
Thought I was getting carat gold, and what I got was you.
Stuck inside the circumstances, lonely at the top.
I've always been an introvert
happily bleeding. 36 Degrees - Placebo
caroline 18:58 [+] ...
:: Tuesday, August 12, 2003 ::
fnord
I'm such poor company today.
I fucked my ancient exam really badly.
My eyes and head hurt. hrrmf.
caroline 17:16 [+] ...
:: Sunday, August 10, 2003 ::
Guess what!? Today is
Because Jenny and I decided it should be thus. So ner.
To furter celebrate National Post-modern Placebo Day, I present to you the elusive Placebo quiz results. (blogger willing)
You Are...
The Dedicated Placebo Fan?
You're supportive and protective of the band you love. You feel connected to the music AND the men and Placebo obviously means a lot to you. However - you could easily tread the fine line into obsessive-fan-mode so keep that little fangirl/boi inside of you in check!
You are the Brian flick! You enjoy taking time doing your hair and are a 'cut above' the bob, but still like the versatility of having a shorter style to play around with. In the shower, you sing 'Taste in Men'
*yawns*
Undoubtably, there are many things I could be doing right know that would be more productive than writing a blog. In fact, anything I did would most likely be more productive than writing a blog. But I lack the energy and inclination. I'm not even sure why I'm blogging at all. It's not like I have anything to say. I've never let that stop me before though.
I had a most exquisite dream yesterday. It was the kind that wraps one up in serene bliss, like a soft feather quilt on a cold winter's morning. All day I found my mind wandering back to it, trying to cling to the sensation for as long as I could. It was the kind of dream that you never want to awake from. I'm not even sure that anything in reality could measure up to this dream. It was sheer, unadultered, self-contained happiness. :) I'll probably never experience the like of it again.
Mitchell sent me the most awful game. It enolves using a slingshot to hit kitties and make them go flying through the air. If they go through a door or a window, you get points. If they hit the wall, they splat in a horrible hideous mess of blood and fur against the bricks. It's awfully mean, and so is mitchell for sending it to me. *pouts* Icky male.
I'm bored, and no-one's online, so I think I'll do some stupid quizzes.
I did this one several times, chainging the borderline answers. Each time I got the same result. Hmm.
You should be dating a Leo.
23 July - 22 August
This mate is honest and loyal, with a sunny disposition. Though this lion has the tendency to be arrogant, sulky or smug, he/she is unrestrained in bed.
*cries* blogger ate all my cool placebo quiz results! and my legolas one! bitch. *cries again*
caroline 02:13 [+] ...
:: Wednesday, August 06, 2003 ::
A comment on comments.
I'm not sure exactly what I was thinking when I added comments to this page. Perhaps it had to do with the ego trip that comes packaged with the knowledge that people out there actually read this waste of webspace. I think mostly though, it was out of curiosity. (after all, curiosity drives so many of my actions)
I probably shuld have realised that providing my audience with an avenue to comment on my blog would result in some bitching. It was inevitable, really. Not that I particularly mind, but nonetheless, I will take this oppurtunity to remind all those reading that this is a BLOG. It's a representation of what I think, and of what I feel, at the time of writing. If you don't like it, don't read. But please don't expect me to change what I say, or how how I do things in my little corner of the web. Interactive though it may be, it's still MY blog.
While still on the topic of comments; people should probably that I've decided new rules in regards to Private Feedback. I can, and will, make ANY private feedback public, if I feel it should be so. If you have something to say to me that you don't want others reading, use msn or email. It's quite simple really.
caroline 20:39 [+] ...
(kitty) + (trials) = FUCK! I am a lazy ass
I haven't studied
I haven't really worked
I'm not smart enough to pull through this without work
I'm not really as stressed as I should be, considering.
I'm not sure I really give a fuck.
And that's actually quite a pleasant way to be.
*watches HSC swirl slowly down the drain*
caroline 16:50 [+] ...
(He whinged until I caved in. Stupid Heath. :P)
caroline 18:43 [+] ...
:: ::
Look, I know she's not the sharpest tool in the shed, but how much intellegence does it really take to understand the words "fuck off"? Obviously more than she can muster. This is just getting too fucking annoying.
caroline 18:33 [+] ...
:: Tuesday, July 29, 2003 ::
Some people are fucking scumbags.
First, you sound off at me, accusing me of things I've not done.
Then, you proceed to deny me any response to your accusations.
Then you pretend that nothing's the matter while still dismissing me with no chance to speak.
ANd yet you still lurk around my blog, scanning each post for some remark that will gratify your ego. Well here you go. FUCK OFF. For once have the dignity and decency to just fucking leave it alone. Block me, ignore me, do whatever. But if you refuse to speak to me, then stop fucking reading my blog. And stop reading Jenny's as well. If you're too fucking scared and pathetic to actually SPEAK to us, then you have no right to trespass on our pages.
PLACEBO!!!!!!
Jenny has more than adequately summarised the events of yesterday. I must repeat, that the performance was FUCKING AWESOME! Highlights were: Molko hugging his guitar, "every you, every me" and their beautiful encore of "centrefolds".
I can die happy now. He's so beautiful. Soooooooooo beautiful. I had planned to say a lot more, but Jenny pretty much said it all, and more. SO just read her post. ANd that's an order.
caroline 19:24 [+] ...
:: Friday, July 25, 2003 ::
When I was in year Ten, I thought I had everything sorted. The school Certifcate was piss-easy, and the next two years wouldn't be exactly taxing either. ANd even if they were, I promised myself I'd buckle down and work hard to achieve my potential. The next seven or so years of my life were mapped out. In year eleven and twelve I would work hard at the subjects I'd chosen. General Maths, Advanced English, Legal Studies or ANcient History, Modern History, Studies of Religion, and Visual Arts. I was goign to be at William Carey, and most likely, DAd was goign to teach me for two of my subjects. I had decided I had recieved a calling to be a Midwife, and I'd done some work experience at a hospital. I was going to get my modest UAI, go to university for three years, obtain a degree, and then undertake the usual steps to become a midwife.
The first flaw in this plan came when my father left his job William Carey. It was completely unexpected and, at the time, I was devestated. I was so sure that it would fuck things over for me, that my painstakingly cultivate happiness would abandon me if I left all my supposed friends behind. (here it must be noted that most of the people I considered my friends at WC were utter fucks. The exsception, of course is Jenny, who thoroughly canes arse) It turned out to be the best thing that ever happened to me, but how was I to know? I thought it was the end of the world. Eventually I found another school to go to. I secretly feared that it'd take me forever to settle in to this (seeming) haven of snobbery. To my surprise, I found an amazing group of friends. The freaks and outcasts of the grade. :) ANd thus I fitted in well. I've made some of the best friends I've ever had at Hills. Of course, I made some enemies too, but that's only to be expected.I'm not a likeable person. :P
I'm not sure when I stopped wanting to be a midwife. I realised only recently that I wanted to do something else with my life, but I must've felt this way for a while. It's understandable that a decision I made when I was barely sixteen wouldn't still suit me now. Especially considering how much has changed. But this change of heart leaves me in the exact same positon I was in over two years ago. ANd I'm no better equipped to make that decision now than I was then.
But it doesn't really matter. I'll figure it out eventaully, and until then, I'm happy to idly waste away my life in a semi-contented stupor.
I've been commanded to write a post. I'm sure no-one needs to ask who by. I'm really scraping the bottom of the barrel to find something to write about though. All I've done in the past two days is cough until my kidneys hurt. Oh, and pesky english assessment. (Which I got in on time Aaron :P) SO I have nothing interesting to say. (as always)
BUT (!) I'M GOING TO SEE A REAL LIVE MOLKO TOMORROW! *dances*
Tonight is my sister's 30th birthday party, and I wanted to go so I could see what her new boy is like. But I am, according to my mother, too sick. Pish posh. *coughs* Of course, I'll be well enough to endure the tedious and trialling company of my relatives at her family "party" on sunday. *groans* Fate ws cruel enought to make me realted to them, and now 'i have to actually SPEND TIME with them?! Too cruel.
I honestly have nothing to say. *shrugs*
caroline 18:55 [+] ...
:: Wednesday, July 23, 2003 ::
I have tried so hard for so long to keep this as a blog that I'm happy for anyone to read, whether I know them or not. I sometimes try to make it interesting, but I always try to make it an accurate representation of my life and thus I avoid censorship whenever I can. Lately though, I've been having to do it quite a bit. One of the reasons I'm not too worried about, but the other shits me.
People get too fucking moody and pissed off too easily.
An addition, almost immeadietly after the last post, I know.
I think perhaps Fiona is so pissed off at me because a) she's pissed at Jenny, but can't go off at her and b) maybe it actaully upset her to realise that she fucked things up with Jenny so badly, and that I have, in a way taken her place, as Jenny's best friend.
I also appologise for the poor grammar in this and the last post.
caroline 17:40 [+] ...
:: ::
first day back It can be stated succinctly with *cries*. The day itself was mediocre yet exhausting. But the real shit happened after I got home and came online. Suddenly the physical and emotional exhaustedness hit me in a swift blow, perfectly timed to accessorise the quasi-attack I recieved from Jenny. I'm sorry that I forgot the date yesterday. Honestly. I guess I was so wrapped up in my stupid assessments. Sorry. SO like, that was upsetting. ANd then Fiona gets stuck into me about supposedly trying to ruin her birthday party. I mean, fuck. Is that honestly what she thinks of me? I don't know whether to be disgusted or just not give a fuck. She accused me of all sorts of things that were total manipulations and misenterpretations of the actual events of the night. But the thing that offends me most is that she doesn't even have the dignity or decency to actually tell me what her fucking problem is, or what she thinks of me. Only "I'll leave before I say something I'll regret" and "you don't want to know what I'm thinking" *growls* I'm too tired for this shit.
caroline 17:35 [+] ...
:: Sunday, July 20, 2003 ::
A post specifically for the enjoyment of my sister Jen
Been a while since I posted. I'm sure no-one's surprised. I just didn't feel like it. *shrugs* So I guess I'll crap on about my week for a little bit. I pity you, figments.
tuesday. I'm strugging to even remember what I did on tuesday. Drama group work, but I'm not sure what else. Maybe nothing. If I did do something it wasn't memorable, and thus not blog-worthy.
wednesday today I was supposed to go into the city with Jenny, but it fell through due to the evil machinations on KFC. So instead I spent the day shopping with my mother, and recieved two tops, a pair of trousers, some hair dye and other miscelaneous stuff. Something else of note, but I won't divulge that here.
thursday Yet MORE drama group work, followed by the post-poned trip to meet Jenny in the city, the latter of which kicked arse. We did our traditional stuff, (gallery, tea, McDonalds) and we both managed to pick up Placebo's self-titled debut album. And we found out that they're doing a signing next saturday! *dies*Later that evening, once I'd gotten home, the day started sucking. But enough about that.
friday Want to hazard a guess about what I did today? That's right, MORE FUCKING DRAMA! But at least our group performance is starting to take shape, so really, drama work was actually the best part of the day. When I got home from drama, I had a distressing phone call with one of my close friends, followed by a call which cheered me up sufficiently. Then, at about 7pm, I entered the bowels of hell.
fiona's party From the beginning of the night, Jenny, Rebecca and I were socially excluded, which was no huge tragedy considering the other party guests. But rude nonetheless. It wasn't long before we relocated to some chairs outside ("we were kicked out"- Jenny) where, for the majority of the night we sat undisturbed, bitching about the hideous outfits people were wearing and throwing cups at the people inside who were making out.
Jared and Mitch showed up to the party at some point, and then Jared proceeded to astonish me with his complete and utter rudeness. After greeting him, I went to introduce him to Jenny, at which point he said something like "nup, I'm outta here" and turned and left. The only other time he came up to me the whole evening was to tell me to fuck off (because Jenny and Becca were throwing lollies at some people) I wasn't even doing the throwing. Dickhead. And he wondered why I was pissed off at him.
The only mildly interesting thing that happened the entire evening was the presence of Matt, who decided to brave our professed leprosy and sit down to talk to us. It was only after a few minutes of converation that I actually realised that I knew him from the first high school I went to. Odd.
I seem to have lost all inclination with regards to this post, so I'll just end it there.
caroline 13:12 [+] ...
:: Monday, July 14, 2003 ::
Now, to actually honour the pseudo promise I made about posting.
the beach For the past few days, I've been holidaying at my beach house. It was wonderful, because I slept a lot. I got absolutely no work done, which is hardly surprising. Aside from that it was lovely, I have little to say of it. After all, I slept most of the time. :)
little beach little beach is the most beautiful beach in existence. End of story really. I went there when i was up the beach. It's more of a hike than I'm used to, but it's by far worth it. It's so tiny and secluded and perfect. It has a rock shelf, so if the tide is right, you can walk along it out into the surf, and stay dry. It's mad.
holidays -boring
-tiring
-not long enough.
nuff sed.
PLACEBO! I'm going to placebo! YAY!
sleep I need more of it.
I said further detail, not extreme detail. Bite me, y'all.
caroline 19:39 [+] ...
:: ::
This is just a short post to explain the distinct lack of posts for the past week.
a) I've been away, &
b) My computer is fucked. I'm currently on my sister's.
I have lots of things to say, but tneither the itme nor inclinatiion to say them.
Things I will discuss in further detail next time:
- the beach
- little beach
- holidays
- crockery
- placebo
- sleep
caroline 14:14 [+] ...
:: Sunday, July 06, 2003 ::
*stares at no-dancing policy*
*giggles a little*
*scrunches it up and tosses it away*
I went dancing tonight. Ciroc dancing specifically. My sisters dragged me along to a beginners lesson. It was a lot of fun, and I may do it again. :)
caroline 23:11 [+] ...
:: ::
You're a torturer...you don't believe someone deserves death, but you are a firm believer in revenge being a dish best served cold. You'd wait and plan for six months to get back at the person who hurt you...but they'd probably survive it. Probably.
You represent... angst.
You have an extremely cynical outlook on just about everything. It's okay to sulk and be depressed, but life is short, and you only get one. It's only what you make it, and only you can make it improve.
note to world: I am not interchangable with Jenny.
caroline 23:05 [+] ...
:: Tuesday, July 01, 2003 ::
This post is basically just a response to Jenny's in specific reference to boy-hugging. Unless people are considerably more socially backward and retarded out near Campbeltown than they are where i live, (which is a distinct possibilty I guess) no-one is going to consider you hugging a male friend as a come-on. It's what normal friends do, and anyway, you're probably one of the least skanky people in the country. Nothing you do is going to be construed as you hitting on someone. My advice, (because we all know that i love to give advice) is to just hug them once and see what happens. Then hug them lots more times. AS a general rule, boys give much better hugs than girls. (none of that draping, air-kissing shit)
So get boy-hugging, dammit!
caroline 20:12 [+] ...
:: Sunday, June 29, 2003 ::
I LOVE dispensing advice.
Good advice, bad advice, totally inane and/or irrelevant advice.
I love it.
I may not even be good at it, but it's fun. And it makes people think you're wise. People just accept all advice as having innate value. Mine doesn't. I have almost NO life experience. How the fuck could I be able to tell you how to deal with a breakup, when I've never even been in a couple? But people just nod thinkingly when I dispense random nonsense about what they should do with themselves. In the past few months, I've had two people comment to me that I seem to know so much, and give such good advice. I mean, what the fuck? People will buy anything these days.
I mean, I'm flattered that people respect my opinion. But simultaneously, I'm stupified by it. Perhaps it's because there are relatively few people who's opinions I give flying fuck about. I have to have a mild degree of respect for someone to even LISTEN to their opinion of me. But I guess I'm just a bitch.
But I do love giving advice.
You love life, you love all those around you and the world that you live in. You are happiest when you are doing something for someone else or for the common good of mankind.
I drank last night anyway. And with no adverse effects, I might add. But then I only had three. (give or take five) It was a relatively boring party, but everything becomes more bearable after a white russian, a black russian, two pina coladas and four strawberry daquiris (not in that order). The evening turned out ok, but I didn't stay very long. I'm ashamed to admit, but I went home at 11pm. I was pretty fucking tired. As soon as I got home, I went straight to bed, put on a cd and fell asleep before two tracks had played. Music is so much cooler when you're kind of sloshed. I get quite dizzy when I drink, and before I went to sleep, I sat up in bed to set up my discman, and as the music came on, it kind of passed over me like waves. It was one of the most amazing sensations I've ever felt. It was like I couldn't just HEAR the music, but FEEL it all through my body. Unfortunately I couldn't stay awake long enough to enjoy for more than a minute. But next time I drink, I'm totally taking my discman along.
In other news, I'm on holidays now! Which means I'm going to sleep in, stay up very late, and repeatedly tell myself that "I'll start studying tomorrow". And I intend to gate-crash the shithole that calls itself William Carey. It'll be so good to laugh at all the fucks there. And see Jenny. Yay for seeing Jenny!
Anyway, I'll probably come online again later tonight, so I might post again then. But it's unlikely.
caroline 19:31 [+] ...
:: Thursday, June 26, 2003 ::
pfft. New Blogger totally sucks testicles. It's ugly, it's impractical, it's annoying and it smells funny.
I HATE YOU NEW BLOGGER. YOU SUCK EVEN MORE THAN OLD BLOGGER! (and old blogger sucked a lot of arse too) GO AWAY. *cries* I hate you new blogger. I really do.
*hisses at "preview post" button* piece of shit.
caroline 22:35 [+] ...
:: Wednesday, June 25, 2003 ::
I wish that I'd hurry up and get better. I'm so tired of feeling sick. And I really don't want to miss the 18th on friday, I've been looking forward to it for ages. As it is, I probably won't be able to drink due to the cocktail of medications I'm on. At least there's the party on the 4th. I can get nicely toasted then.
Kitty's Guide to Blogs, Part 2 Know your audience.
All blogs are written for an audience, be it large or small. Here are the four basic categories of blogs:
1. The unlimited audience blog. This blog is written with the knowledge that anyone in the world can read it, and the posts are constructed with the intent of entertaining the readers. These blogs are more often social or political commentaries, rather than prsonal diaries.
2.The friends as audience blog This one is more personal than #1, but still doesn't deal with intensely personal issues. These blogs are often like general open letters to inform their friends what's been happening in their life.
3. The random strangers as audience blog These are the most personal of those already listed, and aren't shown to the author's friends or anyone they know. However, they're written with the knowledge that random people they'll never meet, might read it.
4. The no-audience blog. Only morons have no-audience blogs. These aren't able to be accessed by strangers or friends alike. Basically the people who write these should just stick to writing a diary on paper and hiding it under the bed. It's more suited to their kind of entries.
The obvious danger of all blogs is the shit-hitting-fan factor. People can get awfully shitty when they're insulted on a blog. So you either have to be careful what and how you say things, or adopt a nifty "I don't give a fuck" attitude. It's always worked for me. :)
i'm so tired of being here
suppressed by all of my childish fears
and if you have to leave
i wish that you would just leave
because your presence still lingers here
and it won't leave me alone
these wounds won't seem to heal
this pain is just too real
there's just too much that time cannot erase
when you cried i'd wipe away all of your tears
when you'd scream i'd fight away all of your fears
and i've held your hand through all of these years
but you still have all of me
you used to captivate me
by your resonating light
but now i'm bound by the life you left behind
your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams
your voice it chased away all the sanity in me
these wounds won't seem to heal
this pain is just too real
there's just too much that time cannot erase
when you cried i'd wipe away all of your tears
when you'd scream i'd fight away all of your fears
and i've held your hand through all of these years
but you still have all of me
i've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
and though you're still with me
i've been alone all along
Do you know what REALLY shits me? When people so blindly and obliviously hurt the people around them. How can a person cause so much pain, and ignore the fact they're doing it? I'm amazed at their complete and utter inability to see past their own self-pity. I mean, fuck! When you cause pain to another person, usually YOU apologise, not whinge until they are forced to. The victim should not be made to feel like they are at fault. It's just wrong.
Stop toying with people's hearts and their insecurities. Have some fucking compassion. I doubt you're even reading this, but if you are, I hope you fucking listen. And I hope you feel fucking bad, just like you've made everyone else feel. It's only fair. I am sick of watching you play with other people's lives like they're your Sims or something. They aren't. Stop acting like you're the only person who exists.
hmm, it seems I got angry again. Oh well. It was for a worthy cause.
>this will not be deleted. this will not be amended. this will not be apologised for. this will not be explained or justified. this IS an attack. I mean every word.I hope it gets to you. END<
Ugh. I was so worked up this afternoon. A complete and utter emotional basketcase. I blushed solidly for several hours. I got all angry, and from then on I was screwed. Hmmf. I just lost all impetus to write. Fuck it.
caroline 19:53 [+] ...
:: Monday, June 16, 2003 ::
Today is the first time I've really felt the need to write something on my blog, and not been able to because I don't want certain people to read it. I don't like self-censorship, I don't usually do it, but this is a special case. I feel so... conflicted. My thoughts are all contradictory. Fuck 'em.
I'm trying so hard to ignore all the assessments piling up. *shuts eyes and covers ears* Much better.
The laws of blogging:
-Never delete posts. Just don't.
-Only edit posts to correct grammatical or spelling errors.
-Don't apologise for your posts, or what you say in them. You shouldn't apologise for speaking your mind. If they care about you and/or understand the concept of a blog, they'll forgive you. If they can't forgive you, they aren't worth it.
-Don't use names. It makes it too personal, and more confusing for random readers.
-When you mention a person who has a blog by name, make their name inot a link to their site. (that is, if you have permission to)
-Not posting at all is preferable to posting "i have nothing to say. the end"
Always so damn BORED. It's a chronic condition. Bored. Bored. Bored. And unimaginative. I have nothing to say. Absolutely fucking nothing to say. I don't even know why I'm still typing. Actually, yes I do. Jenny. Evil wench. She made me. *cries*
But yeah. I'm going to be happy anyway. I want a cute little personification of happy just like Jenny. I think it should be blue and furry, with occasional splashes of glitter. Yeah. I'm insane. But you all knew that. I'm seriously struggling with finding something to say.
I stayed home sick from school today. Which means I don't even have any goss. Although Chris mentioned something to do with Rob and Tim. I wonder if it's similar to what Erin said about those two yesterday. hmm. It doesn't really bear thinking too much about. Total squickage.
Maybe I'll write more later. Pfft
caroline 18:43 [+] ...
:: Wednesday, June 11, 2003 ::
I'm really bored and boring today. So I apologize in advance to my meagre and unfortunate audience for this crappy post.
Although, I do have two eighteenth partys to look forward to in the next month or so. And both of them are piss-ups. (such is the usual nature of 18ths I gather.) And at both of them there will be new people. It's been so long since I've socialised outside of school. I have no life :) Woe is me. But yeah. Appparently there'll be cocktails at the first one, so I might take some Baileys and Butterscotch Schnapps to make cocksucking cowboys. They're fucking yummy. You just don't let yourself get a mental image of the name.
You know what? I've decided, much like Jenny, that I'm going to be happy. HAPPY. Fuck the HSC. I'll get the shit done. I'll finish. ANd then it'll all be over, and I can get sloshed for a few weeks. And then I can go to uni, and do something I actually want to do. And it will rock. But the rest of this year will rock too. I'm not going to let myself get stressed. I'm going to actaully work, a little, and study, and actually attend maths, and do a not half-arsed job of my assessments, AND I'm going to have fun. Because I want to, and therefore I will. Go me!
I'm supposed to write a long, interesting, entertaining post.
HAH!
I'm sort of down lately. Just not impressed by anything, or interested in anything. I'm back to loathing school in a big way. I'm doing really borign topics in almost all my subjects at the moment, and it just makes it so hard to get up int he morning. and the shitty weather and sore ankles don't help either. Stupid winter. It fucking sucks. *kills winter* I think the only reason I'm not a crumpled up mess (like all my clothes :P) is because I'm constantly thinking and dreaming about spring, and the freedom and warmth that will arrive with it. Spring is when everything happens. It's when the flowers come out, it's when I turn 18, it's when the HSC finishes it's evil reign over my life, and when I get to go on schoolies.*pines for spring*
blogger is a piece of shit // Saturday, June 7th 2003 @ 11:49pm
Last night achieved a high level of ass-kickingness. It was mad. A group of my friends and I went to our usual chinese restaurant, and stayed around to witness the karoake. It's always amusing watching people sell their dignity so cheaply. Of course it's amusing watching my friends do it too. (they didn't have any dignity in the first place) But it was a lot of fun. And no, I didn't sing. I never do. I've not yet been that drunk. Maybe I never will. *shrugs*
Today was pretty nice too. I went up to the Blue Mountains with my parents. It was just pleasant, despite the freezing cold. It's such a beautiful area. When I grow up (lol) I want to have a house up in the mountains. All my life I've felt that the ideal was to have three houses. One in the city/suburbs, one at the beach, and one in the mountains. That's what my grandfather had, and I guess because of that, I just see it as how things should be. lol, I'm going to have to marry rich though. There's no way I'll ver be able to afford three houses on my own. *shrugs* I'm sure it'd be so traumatic marryiing someone rich. lol.
Uggh. I'm even more crippled than I was before. Yesterday I stacked walking down the aisle of the bus. Unlike the last time I hurt my ankle (which hadn't healed yet), this time, BOTH of my ankles rolled out and collapsed. Fun. SO now they're both sprained, and I walk vaguely like a penguin, because I can't decide which ankle to favour. *grumbles* Like, ow. :( (sorry, I just had to insert that random skank-speak bit. I've been tainted by the company I keep)
Sorry for this pissy post, and the lack of posts whatsoever in recent times. But life sucks. Get over it.
I took the Inner Dragon online quiz and found out I am a Copper Dragon on the inside. My Inner Dragon is the mighty warrior of dragon-kind. It's just that simple. Coppers show up when someone's about to die. Coppers don't mess around, and they don't play evil games like Red Dragons. They don't bother with magic, like Gold Dragons. They exist for a purpose, and they serve it well.
But what sort of a dragon would I be if that really was the whole story? I also like to stomp my enemies, start the occasional war, and spend lazy hours preening my battle aura. My favorable attributes are strength, physical abilities, thriftiness, warmth, and longevity in battle. Just in case some puny human (or conniving Red Dragon) thinks they can get the drop on me, I've got a concealed breath weapon - gigantic masses of Fire. Hey, it's the tried and true way to cook a cow in 0.75 seconds.
I decided that today is show-and-tell day. This is the book I learnt to read on, when I was four years old. It's so damn cool. I'll give you an excerpt, for your reading pleasure.
"Three little bears.
One with a light.
One with a stick.
And one with the shivers."
It's truly a literary masterpiece, is it not? i thought you'd agree.
If you hadn't already guessed, I'm bored and i have nothign to say. More tomorrow, I promise.
I am 34% Tortured Artist I have some artistic ability, but it is probably a hobby and doesn't drive my life into a dark abysmal hole were I am alone and against the world.
I am 86% Evil Genius I am pure evil. I lie awake at night devising schemes of world domination, and I will not rest until all living souls bend to my will.
Old. You'll have a long (happy?) life and you'll die at a very elderly age. Like 80 or something. Nothing to roll your eyes at, eh? Probably from a disease or something. You wanted to die young, because you're a bit of a slug and don't have many goals, but you never get what you want.
Everyone who's ever read this blog knows I post erratically and infrequently. And usually when I post I have little or nothing to say. That's because I'm FORCED to post by my dear friend Jenny. She has an iron will and a sharp tongue. It's either post or face her wrath. So I post, I don't have a deathwish. Anyways, I designed this nifty little button to show when my post has been "inspired" by Jenny. Go me!
I'm so often surprised by the apathy many of my friends feel towards their parents. I remember when I was young I believed that everyone loved their mum and dad. I just assumed that they did, because I did. I grew up in a loving atmosphere, and I assumed that that was normal. As I got older, I realised that I was actually in a very lucky minority. I mean, I really love and respect both of my parents. I'm not sure that many others can say the same. Everyone seems to loather at least one parent, or at least hold a general apathy towards them.
But back to my parents. My dad isa teacher and a clergyman and one of the people I admire most in the world. He's intellegent, kind and has an unwavering sense of honesty and intergrity. Terrible taste in music though. My mum is caring and she's sacrificed so much for my siblings and I. For all her faults, I think she's the perfect mother, because she's never put anything ahead of her kids. I admire her complete selflessness at times. It's amazing.
As great as my parents are though, I think I'd kill myself if I was ever in a relationship like theirs. They seem to bring out the worst in eachother. For as long as I can remember, the only communicating they do is yellign and screaming eachother. They don't HAVE conversations, and they're always so freakin angry at eachother. Frankly, their relationship sucks. I really never want to be in a relationship like that. I mean, they love eachother, but it's kind of like they aren't friends anymore. If I ever get married, remind me not to let things get like that. Pfft. I'm never going to get married.
AS per usual, this post was inspired by Jenny. Anyone surprised?
caroline 18:11 [+] ...
:: Sunday, May 25, 2003 ::
I have a very bad habit of leaving long silences between posts. I'm certain no-one minds though, being that my blog is so fucking boring anyway. I don't know why anyone bothers reading it, honestly. But then again, not that many people do.
Being that I don't have much else to write of, I think I'll go for an obligitory mention of the not-crush. I think maybe I'm getting over the whole thing. I'm not sure. Things just feel different around him lately. Maybe I've just finally come to the realisation that having a crush on someone is kinda pointless when you don't want to go out with them. But then of course, there is another possibility, but I really don't want to explore that one. Whatever the change means, however, I'm glad of it, because now I can focus more on our friendship, and getting to know him better without the added awkwardness.
Ugh. Certain situations within the group are really shitting me at the moment. The air is filled with deceit and lies. Everyone is trying desperately to find some scandal, and by doing so, they're creating their own. It's getting really hard to tell who to trust and who to believe. It's making me really paranoid. I think I may swear off gossip for a little while, as hard as that will be. Things are just too tangled at the moment. Ears open, mouth shut, at least temporarily. Less dangerous that way. I really don't need to be getting in the middle of any more conflicts at the moment.
It just takes all the fun out of an argument if the other party apologises. *pouts* And it also sucks if they pout. Only I'M aloud to pout. It's just not fair.
So.
Didn't really do much today. Stayed home, rested my ankle. I went to school for drama though. I don't really have a lot to say, which is hardly unusual. Although I deemed today "laugh at people who are in love" day. Falling in love would have to be the stupidest thing a human being could possibly do. It makes them look stupid, and it usually makes them crumpled-up broken-hearted messes in the end. I am a cold bitch, therefore I will never fall in love. Go me! Also, I'll never be in a romantic relationship, because I'd instantly lose respect for anyone who liked me. :)
caroline 22:31 [+] ...
:: Tuesday, May 20, 2003 ::
Yesterday was an all-round shit day. Shit, followed by shit, followed by further shit. And then some extra shit as a garnish.
First of all, my stupid ankle decided to collapse under me at the start of the school day. Not only did this leave me with little dignity, but it also resulted in a badly sprained ankle, and bruised shin. So all of yesterday, I practically couldn't walk. Fun.
But the shit didn't stop there, fuck no. My brother managed to rip a five-cent piece size chunk of skin out of his toe on some broken glass. There was blood everywhere. So now both my brother and I were crippled. Do you think the shit stopped there?
Uh-uh. This day, as well as inflicting pain on me and my brother, decided to inflict even more emotional pain on Jenny as well. Of course, that can't entirely be blame on the day. Some of the credit surely goes to the dickheads I had formerly assumed were decent people/ my friends. Fuckers. The lot of you. I'm so fucking angry at you right now. I can't believe you can be so unthinkingly selfish and inconsiderate. I'm too disgusted to say anything more.
caroline 14:58 [+] ...
:: Sunday, May 18, 2003 ::
Don't you just love it when people tell you what you're thinking or feeling? It's fucking fantastic, isn't it? Fan-fucking-tastic.
caroline 23:04 [+] ...
:: ::
Saw Matrix Reloaded today. Cool factor: off the scale. And that's just for the sunglasses.
caroline 22:12 [+] ...
:: Saturday, May 17, 2003 ::
I am an overly sleepy kitty-
**zZzZzZzZZZzZzzZzZzzZzZZzzZZZZzZZZZ...**
I'm lazy. All my life I've always done the minimum I could get away with. I've never given anything all I had I don't think. I've always done a half-arsed job, if I do anything at all. I've never been an overacheiver, but it's gotten worse lately. I should do something about it. But I'm too lazy.
caroline 19:34 [+] ...
:: Thursday, May 15, 2003 ::
*giggles inanely* I beat Mike to the block button. How childish yet amusing is that?
caroline 22:57 [+] ...
:: ::
DAMN ME for being so weak! :P Damn :'( emoticon. gets me everytime. Must see to that.
caroline 22:54 [+] ...
:: ::
didn't got to school today either. But I'll strive to find something to say anyways.
[obligitory mention]
I spend far too much time analysing and over analysing this entity I still call a not-crush. I've spent so much time time trying to figure how and what exactly I feel. I'm not been particularly successful so far. But in keeping with the honourary title "not-crush" I'll give you a list of "nots" that are certain in this predicament. (it made sense in my head, if not on screen)
I am not in love because I'm not even sure I believe in love. And even if I do, I don't believe I'm capable of being in love. What this basically means is; I don't want to be in love, therefore, I am not.
I am not in lust because I'm not the type to spend nearly a year fixated on someone just because they're sexy. Unlike some people, I don't think with my sex organs. You know who you are. :P
I am not obsessed i can hear you laughing Jenny, but I'm serious. Despite my requent references on this blog to my not-crush, there is more to my life than fawning over him, so to speak. I don't have an obsessive personality. Maybe I just don't commit enough to anything to be obsessed about it. Or maybe I'm so apathetic about everything I've never really LIKED anything enough to be obsessed about it. Either way, I don't consider it a loss.
I do not, I repeat, NOT want to be his girlfriend For several reasons. First and foremost, something which I realised before I even realised I liked him. He's too good for me. He's too... untainted. *shrugs* I'd always feel inferior. But also, I don't really want to be anyone's girlfriend at the moment. Teen relationships are so trite. Pathetic, even. I'm not really interested.
Oh shut up.
Onto something that doesn't envolve trying to deny how pathetic I am. I'm seriously considering writing some form of thesis on the internet and the text-types it has created. Just for fun. I'm fucking lame. *shakes head* See, I'm admitting how pathetic I am.
That's it for today I think. I've scooped all the thought out of my brain for one night.
caroline 21:25 [+] ...
:: Wednesday, May 14, 2003 ::
Today I'm typing with the cold barrel of a gun pressed nto my back. So like so many of my posts, this one has been intiated by the fierce demands of Jenny, rather than me actually having anything to say. So prepare to be bored.
Lets see. I did absolutely nothing today, as I stayed home and slept till about 2pm. So my day was largely uneventful. Actually make that entirely uneventful.
BUT! Placebo are coming to town! And hopefully I'll get to go. Placebo kick ass.
I told you I had nothing to write.
caroline 19:12 [+] ...
:: Saturday, May 10, 2003 ::
FINALLY!
I've been struggling with a particular template-fucking issue for quite a while now, and I'VE FINALLY FIXED IT! and I didn't even have male help! *giggles* Go me!
caroline 21:56 [+] ...
Germany -
Despite a controversial recent history, it has had a tough and powerful history. A modern-day technological and cultural beacon, it is still target to stereotypes and antiquited thoughts.
*smiles somewhat triumphantly*
I changed drama groups! Yay! Problem solved. I feel so much better in general. *breathes sigh of relief*
I feel like crapping on about nothing much. There's no-one online so my thoughts are festering inside my head. I'm not so much bored as... I d'know. Just waiting for something to happen. Like I'm in a kind of stasis until something interesting happens along. I have a feeling I'm going to be like that all weekend. It's only friday night, but the whole weekend already smells of boredom and wasted time. Although that doesn't make it particularly different to any other of my weekends.
School is abnormally shit at the moment. I mean, it's always shit, but the shit smells worse at the moment. I've been pulled up for my frequent absenses from study periods, and for my un-authorised leaving of school grounds at lunch. So now the teachers are watching, so I have to behave. I hate behaving. Lessons have been more tedious than usual, and I've been finding it harder to focus on the teachers' inane dribble. I've been tired, I've been disorgansised, I've been disfunctional. I've been eating too much junk food. I need to make changes. But I'm just too lazy. The story of my life.
It seems somehow that my emotions are inextricably linked to Jenny's. For some reason, we almost always feel the opposite of how the other is feeling. When she's in a bad mood, I'm content. When I'm feeling like shit, she's ecstatic, until we talk to eachother, and then it kind of balances out. That probably doesn't make sense, but I can't really explain it any better. It's just weird. *shrugs*
I don't have much else to say. Not that I had a lot to say in the first place, but I've expanded it as much as I can.
Aaron thinks you need an easily definable and explainable reason to dislike a person. i don't. Either you like someone or you don't. Even if you can't explain that dislike, it's still valid. The only reaosn I need to dislike a person is that I dislike them. That probably doesn't make any sense but i don't give a fuck.
caroline 19:45 [+] ...
:: ::
What Green Tastes Like. Funny shit.
"So don't bad mouth the potato. They'll find out where you live and steal your stereo."
caroline 19:41 [+] ...
:: ::
Okay, so I didn't post more last night. I was too busy (unsuccessfully) template-fucking. Fuck off.
I had a shit shit shit shit shit shit shit SHIT day. Fucking drama. Fucking everything. Today I skipped modern history I was so upset, so angry, I didn't want to go. So I walked up to the shop, got some comfort food, and went for a random walk. After a scary dose of irony, and being barked at by an army of dogs, I started walking back towards school. On the way, I thought about my options for getting out of the group from hell for drama. I came up with the one viable option aside from suicide. I'll drop drama. Easier said than done, being that I only have 10 units. But I figure I could do that pathways shit, like do my other 8 uniots this year and then do a biology course at tafe next year or something while working part time. It's not ideal, but I could live with it. It can't be worse than this.
YAY! with a little template-fucking I have successfully appropriated Jenny's blog, again! Nothing amazing though, just some site stats mainly for my own curiosity, down the bottom of the page. I'll post more later tonight.
caroline 18:36 [+] ...
:: ::
from the 3rd of May, because blogger was too busy fucking itself to let me post.
Another day, another blog entry that will bore my tiny audience to tears.. *shrugs*
Today's obligitory mention of the not-crush is a very self-pitying one. More so than usual. *watches as you collectively roll your eyes and skip to the next paragraph* I'm so pathetic. I cling desperately to the term "not-crush", but in all honesty, I know it's more. Which basically means I'm totally screwed. Sooo screwed. *meeps*
This year is going to be such a test on my sanity.
In other news... Oh wait, there IS no other news. hmmm. Sorry
Kitty's misinformed advice for the Day!
"to live without regrets, gain a basic understanding of temperal mechanics"
caroline 17:36 [+] ...
:: Thursday, May 01, 2003 ::
I don't think I've ever been the topic of gossip that wasn't malicious before now. It's terribly amusing. The entire grade so it seems is under the (mistaken) impression that I'm going out with Aaron. So nearly everyone in our group has been assaulted by people from the popular group asking whether it's true. LOL. Of course, no-one has actually asked ME. I find the fact that our grade is so lame as to latch on to a bullshit rumour like blood-starved leeches exceedingly funny. Wankers.
I need to find more stupid thingies to adopt and put on my page. i like wasting time and webspace.
today i coveted:
+junkfood
+not-crush's affection
+better marks
+a decent uniform
+my Ps
+talent
+my placebo album
caroline 21:33 [+] ...
:: Tuesday, April 29, 2003 ::
"I just enjoy fucking with people's heads. For the first half of our gigs, there's normally some guy convinced I'm a girl, and a pretty cute one at that. As the gig continues, it begins to dawn on him that I'm a bloke, and suddenly he has to ask himself some serious questions. Ha ha!" Brian Molko, of Placebo
caroline 21:00 [+] ...
:: ::
I totally shouldn't be blogging right now, being that I have an unfinished modern assessment due in 8 hours and 50ish minutes, and a barely-started drama assement due at the same time. But fuck it. I want to blog, and blog i shall. Even though I have nothing worthwhile to say.
Reading up on education in Nazi Germany has brought to me the crystal-clear realisation that the NSW educaton system is crushing intellectual thought. I probably should've realised this earlier, but i have an excuse. After all, I AM a product of the NSW education system. Not only is our education system crushing our independent thought and boring us shitless, but our government has used its curriculae to indoctrinate my generation, right from kindergarten. Kinda sad really. Being that it's exactly what the Nazis, the most hated political regime ever, did. And so few people appear to be aware of it. I guess that's why the government is killing history in our schools. So no-one realises that it is repeating itself right here in New South Wales.
caroline 00:19 [+] ...
