"I just enjoy fucking with people's heads. For the first half of our gigs, there's normally some guy convinced I'm a girl, and a pretty cute one at that. As the gig continues, it begins to dawn on him that I'm a bloke, and suddenly he has to ask himself some serious questions. Ha ha!" Brian Molko, of Placebo
caroline 21:00 [+] ...
:: ::
I totally shouldn't be blogging right now, being that I have an unfinished modern assessment due in 8 hours and 50ish minutes, and a barely-started drama assement due at the same time. But fuck it. I want to blog, and blog i shall. Even though I have nothing worthwhile to say.
Reading up on education in Nazi Germany has brought to me the crystal-clear realisation that the NSW educaton system is crushing intellectual thought. I probably should've realised this earlier, but i have an excuse. After all, I AM a product of the NSW education system. Not only is our education system crushing our independent thought and boring us shitless, but our government has used its curriculae to indoctrinate my generation, right from kindergarten. Kinda sad really. Being that it's exactly what the Nazis, the most hated political regime ever, did. And so few people appear to be aware of it. I guess that's why the government is killing history in our schools. So no-one realises that it is repeating itself right here in New South Wales.
caroline 00:19 [+] ...
*yawns*
Slept all day, and yet am still decidedly exhausted. V. bad.
Spent all previous early morning talking and laughing with D, Jenny and Mitch H. Good. We coined such highly amusing personal jokes as "chodelet", "kentucky Feral Chicken", "fuck eggs", "hot steamy dwarf" and probably several others which I can't recall. Twas fun.
And now for the obligitory mention of the not-crush/crush. Anyone'd think I was as obsessed as Jenny. :P There's still an aspect of not to this crush, that's certain, despite all appearances otherwise. It's all well and good to have silly fantasies about going out with him, but when I sit down and think about it clearly and logicallly, I wouldn't really want to go out with him in practice. Partially because I wouldn't want to fuck up our friendship, but there are also other reasons. I don't want or need a boyfriend, especially when there is so much other shit to deal with right now. And then there's the whole fact that he wouldn't like me like that anyways. *shrugs*
caroline 02:17 [+] ...
:: Tuesday, April 22, 2003 ::
Okay, so I've sucumbed to Jenny's emotional blackmail. I'm writing a post, and I'm even going to try and make it a long one. But unfortunately for anyone reading this, my complete and utter lack of writing talent means it's highly unlikely to be even vaguely entertaining. Sorry.
Anyways, what day is it? Oh yeah, tuesday. I slept all of yesterday, well, from about 7am that is. I was exceedingly tired from the movie marathon, which was pretty fucking cool. The movies themselves were nothing spectacular, but the company and atmosphere more than made up for it. And if they hadn't, a couple of hours of larger-than-life Colin Farrel would've done the job. He's so versatile! He can do angry sexy, cautious sexy, hurt sexy, drunken sexy, wounded sexy, gun-wielding sexy, charming sexy and so much more. *drools* I want one! Although I don't know what Greater Union was thinking showing The Recruit after four hours of mindless comedy (Shanghai Knights and Bringing Down the House) *shrugs*
Dude, I'm supposed to be writing an INTERESTING post. Yeah, like that's going to happen. I think I'll bore you with my plans for after the HSC. Providing all goes well, I'll complete my exams without severe psychological trauma. Then I'll spend approximately two weeks in a semi-drunken stupor. Then I'll spend a week or so asleep. After this time period, I'd like to go on a road trip around the state, just for the hell of it. I'd go up the coast and back down through the mountains. But that's just a dream, it probably won't happen. Anyways, from there, I'll try and get a retail job in the city, where I'll probably work five days a week until uni starts in march, saving up money to buy a car. When uni starts, hopefully I'll be doing a Bachelor of Nursing at USyd. I'll keep my nifty little retail job, but drop my hours down. At some point I'll purchase a funky car, which D will customise for me. I'm going to have the most wicked stereo. :D So that's my six month plan. Told you it was boring. But I like it.
I've always been a fan of planning my far-off future to the minute detail. It stops me from focusing on the present I guess :) But it also has the advantage in that I always know what I want, what I'm aiming for, whether those goals be high or low. It's still a little bit lame though. I mean, I've never even had a boyfriend and yet I've planned my future kids' names. (Nerissa Anne and Caleb Zephir if you were interested) I guess I'm just a loser. *shrugs* I can deal with that. Hell, I've been dealing with that my whole life! lol.
Anyway, I think it's obligitory to write SOMETHING about my not-crush/crush. 78 is a very big number, but I'm more determined than ever to stop the number from increasing. It shouldn't be too hard, being that it can only increase by one. I'm not capable of reaching 80. I'm simply not. I think I'm allergic to the number 80. I guess I should explain. But, I'm not going to. HA.
I've spent way too much time on this piece of shit, so I'm going to end it now.
*yawns*
easter show this morning.
movie marathon tonight.
complete lack of anything to say.
complete lack of motivation to respond to Aaron's email. Sorry.
i think i'm done.
i'm so boring
caroline 21:01 [+] ...
:: Thursday, April 17, 2003 ::
I'd write about Armidale, but, it was so fucking boring there isn't really much to say. *makes a big show of yawning* I have absolutely nothing to say, and yet I have a bizarre compulsion to type, so type I shall. Even if what I type is utter crap. I guess that's hardly unusual.
Anyways, smittenness levels have increased further to an alarming 78%. This is just shy of the dreaded percentage. There are plans to initiate procedures to lower the levels, however these plans are still far from fruition. Damn. According to Jenny, it is now a crush and eventually I will blush myself to death. I can see that happening. lol.
caroline 20:28 [+] ...
:: Sunday, April 13, 2003 ::
It would seem that blogger has decided to fuck itself over again. *curses blogger* so i can't see anyone's blogs. Poo.
Anyways. Party. Last night. Good. Been to better, but I've been to a lot worse as well. *shrugs* Alcohol and sugar consumption was very high. Food consumption was relatively low. Comparitive sloshedness (to erin) was medium. She was uber sloshed though. lol. Hangoveredness was zero, because this time I forced myself to drink lots of water. To sum up: the night started BRILLIANTLY *laughs muchly to self* (reason on application) stayed level at pretty-fuckin-good for a while, and then dropped to melancholy at about 11. Somewhat after, things picked up to okay, and then eventually good, and then i fell asleep. I've slept almost all of today. :D
Tomorrow I have to go to Armidale with my parents. Yay. And at 6.30 am of all times. *growls* I won't be back till thursday night. I'm sure I'll write all about the exciting things that happen in Armidale then. *cough*
Recent opinion polls indicate that approximately 97% of people think I'm a manipulative bitch. The same poll also provides evidence that 100% of people are scum. The events of today, as every other fucking day have enforced and expanded my misanthropy. Much like modern history and news programs. Fucking war. Fucking people. The human race sucks balls.
caroline 19:57 [+] ...
:: Tuesday, April 08, 2003 ::
The other day I realised how many friends I have who I know next to nothing about.
caroline 20:05 [+] ...
:: Saturday, April 05, 2003 ::
A few nights ago I had a nightmare, in which one of my best friends died. It was awful, I woke up crying, and felt like shit for ages afterwards. Last night I had another nightmare, but in this one no-one died. I went all weird and kinda psycho, and it resulted in me losing the respect and friendship of my not-crush. The odd thing was, this dream was as awful as the first, it hurt just as much that I lost his respect as it did when my friend died in the other dream. *shrugs* It's just weird.
I went to Deon's place this evening for dinner. Twas largely uneventful and very boring. Not the fault of the company, I guess I just wasn't in the right mood to enjoy it. So I got dropped home early, snuggled up with a rug and watched some nerdy t.v. shows. I've NEVER claimed to have a life. I never will. I'm too lame. :)
Apologies to my other readers for the rant below, it is a retaliation to mike's piece of shit, which i unfortunately couldn't relate to him directly, because talking to me is evidently below him.
caroline 22:56 [+] ...
:: ::
Mike's rules for me
I must always be nice
If I don't have anything nice to say, I should lie in an attempt to spare his feelings
I should never get angry when he treats me like shit
I'm not allowed to let him know when he's done something wrong
I'm not allowed to disagree with him
I'm not allowed to be depressed, nor am I allowed to be happy.
I must put up with having my feelings trivialised
I must put up with a lack of closure in arguments because Mike ignores all problems.
I'm not allowed to get angry when he treats other people i care about like shit
I must put up with always be second rate to almost anyone else.
Essentially, I'm not allowed to feel or say anything, because there's a slight chance it may harm his fragile psyche.
caroline 22:47 [+] ...
:: ::
Fuck you. How dare you pretend to care? You don't give a fuck about anyone but yourself. You're going out of your way to find some way to help NOW, but it never even occurred to you to use even a little sensitivity. You're a fucking idiot, and you've no reason to get angry at me for simply stating the truth. I reiterate. Fuck you.
caroline 21:16 [+] ...
You are Vlad the Impaler. The man behind the legend of Dracula. You hanged your victims, stretched them on the rack, burned them at the stake, boiled them alive, but mostly impaled them. Most of your killings were politically targeted but sometimes you killed just because you were bored. Your "reign of terror" lasted from 1456 to 1462. Estimated numbers of victims vary between 30,000 and more than 100,000.
Evil Evil man. Fie on you!
IIIIIIIIIIIIII am on a HIIIIIIIGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH.
Is it due to:
a) too much vanilla coke
b) the knowledge I don't have an exam till monday
c) random acts of spite or
d) all of the above.
