I am 34% Tortured Artist I have some artistic ability, but it is probably a hobby and doesn't drive my life into a dark abysmal hole were I am alone and against the world.
I am 86% Evil Genius I am pure evil. I lie awake at night devising schemes of world domination, and I will not rest until all living souls bend to my will.
Old. You'll have a long (happy?) life and you'll die at a very elderly age. Like 80 or something. Nothing to roll your eyes at, eh? Probably from a disease or something. You wanted to die young, because you're a bit of a slug and don't have many goals, but you never get what you want.
Everyone who's ever read this blog knows I post erratically and infrequently. And usually when I post I have little or nothing to say. That's because I'm FORCED to post by my dear friend Jenny. She has an iron will and a sharp tongue. It's either post or face her wrath. So I post, I don't have a deathwish. Anyways, I designed this nifty little button to show when my post has been "inspired" by Jenny. Go me!
I'm so often surprised by the apathy many of my friends feel towards their parents. I remember when I was young I believed that everyone loved their mum and dad. I just assumed that they did, because I did. I grew up in a loving atmosphere, and I assumed that that was normal. As I got older, I realised that I was actually in a very lucky minority. I mean, I really love and respect both of my parents. I'm not sure that many others can say the same. Everyone seems to loather at least one parent, or at least hold a general apathy towards them.
But back to my parents. My dad isa teacher and a clergyman and one of the people I admire most in the world. He's intellegent, kind and has an unwavering sense of honesty and intergrity. Terrible taste in music though. My mum is caring and she's sacrificed so much for my siblings and I. For all her faults, I think she's the perfect mother, because she's never put anything ahead of her kids. I admire her complete selflessness at times. It's amazing.
As great as my parents are though, I think I'd kill myself if I was ever in a relationship like theirs. They seem to bring out the worst in eachother. For as long as I can remember, the only communicating they do is yellign and screaming eachother. They don't HAVE conversations, and they're always so freakin angry at eachother. Frankly, their relationship sucks. I really never want to be in a relationship like that. I mean, they love eachother, but it's kind of like they aren't friends anymore. If I ever get married, remind me not to let things get like that. Pfft. I'm never going to get married.
AS per usual, this post was inspired by Jenny. Anyone surprised?
caroline 18:11 [+] ...
:: Sunday, May 25, 2003 ::
I have a very bad habit of leaving long silences between posts. I'm certain no-one minds though, being that my blog is so fucking boring anyway. I don't know why anyone bothers reading it, honestly. But then again, not that many people do.
Being that I don't have much else to write of, I think I'll go for an obligitory mention of the not-crush. I think maybe I'm getting over the whole thing. I'm not sure. Things just feel different around him lately. Maybe I've just finally come to the realisation that having a crush on someone is kinda pointless when you don't want to go out with them. But then of course, there is another possibility, but I really don't want to explore that one. Whatever the change means, however, I'm glad of it, because now I can focus more on our friendship, and getting to know him better without the added awkwardness.
Ugh. Certain situations within the group are really shitting me at the moment. The air is filled with deceit and lies. Everyone is trying desperately to find some scandal, and by doing so, they're creating their own. It's getting really hard to tell who to trust and who to believe. It's making me really paranoid. I think I may swear off gossip for a little while, as hard as that will be. Things are just too tangled at the moment. Ears open, mouth shut, at least temporarily. Less dangerous that way. I really don't need to be getting in the middle of any more conflicts at the moment.
It just takes all the fun out of an argument if the other party apologises. *pouts* And it also sucks if they pout. Only I'M aloud to pout. It's just not fair.
So.
Didn't really do much today. Stayed home, rested my ankle. I went to school for drama though. I don't really have a lot to say, which is hardly unusual. Although I deemed today "laugh at people who are in love" day. Falling in love would have to be the stupidest thing a human being could possibly do. It makes them look stupid, and it usually makes them crumpled-up broken-hearted messes in the end. I am a cold bitch, therefore I will never fall in love. Go me! Also, I'll never be in a romantic relationship, because I'd instantly lose respect for anyone who liked me. :)
caroline 22:31 [+] ...
:: Tuesday, May 20, 2003 ::
Yesterday was an all-round shit day. Shit, followed by shit, followed by further shit. And then some extra shit as a garnish.
First of all, my stupid ankle decided to collapse under me at the start of the school day. Not only did this leave me with little dignity, but it also resulted in a badly sprained ankle, and bruised shin. So all of yesterday, I practically couldn't walk. Fun.
But the shit didn't stop there, fuck no. My brother managed to rip a five-cent piece size chunk of skin out of his toe on some broken glass. There was blood everywhere. So now both my brother and I were crippled. Do you think the shit stopped there?
Uh-uh. This day, as well as inflicting pain on me and my brother, decided to inflict even more emotional pain on Jenny as well. Of course, that can't entirely be blame on the day. Some of the credit surely goes to the dickheads I had formerly assumed were decent people/ my friends. Fuckers. The lot of you. I'm so fucking angry at you right now. I can't believe you can be so unthinkingly selfish and inconsiderate. I'm too disgusted to say anything more.
caroline 14:58 [+] ...
:: Sunday, May 18, 2003 ::
Don't you just love it when people tell you what you're thinking or feeling? It's fucking fantastic, isn't it? Fan-fucking-tastic.
caroline 23:04 [+] ...
:: ::
Saw Matrix Reloaded today. Cool factor: off the scale. And that's just for the sunglasses.
caroline 22:12 [+] ...
:: Saturday, May 17, 2003 ::
I am an overly sleepy kitty-
**zZzZzZzZZZzZzzZzZzzZzZZzzZZZZzZZZZ...**
I'm lazy. All my life I've always done the minimum I could get away with. I've never given anything all I had I don't think. I've always done a half-arsed job, if I do anything at all. I've never been an overacheiver, but it's gotten worse lately. I should do something about it. But I'm too lazy.
caroline 19:34 [+] ...
:: Thursday, May 15, 2003 ::
*giggles inanely* I beat Mike to the block button. How childish yet amusing is that?
caroline 22:57 [+] ...
:: ::
DAMN ME for being so weak! :P Damn :'( emoticon. gets me everytime. Must see to that.
caroline 22:54 [+] ...
:: ::
didn't got to school today either. But I'll strive to find something to say anyways.
[obligitory mention]
I spend far too much time analysing and over analysing this entity I still call a not-crush. I've spent so much time time trying to figure how and what exactly I feel. I'm not been particularly successful so far. But in keeping with the honourary title "not-crush" I'll give you a list of "nots" that are certain in this predicament. (it made sense in my head, if not on screen)
I am not in love because I'm not even sure I believe in love. And even if I do, I don't believe I'm capable of being in love. What this basically means is; I don't want to be in love, therefore, I am not.
I am not in lust because I'm not the type to spend nearly a year fixated on someone just because they're sexy. Unlike some people, I don't think with my sex organs. You know who you are. :P
I am not obsessed i can hear you laughing Jenny, but I'm serious. Despite my requent references on this blog to my not-crush, there is more to my life than fawning over him, so to speak. I don't have an obsessive personality. Maybe I just don't commit enough to anything to be obsessed about it. Or maybe I'm so apathetic about everything I've never really LIKED anything enough to be obsessed about it. Either way, I don't consider it a loss.
I do not, I repeat, NOT want to be his girlfriend For several reasons. First and foremost, something which I realised before I even realised I liked him. He's too good for me. He's too... untainted. *shrugs* I'd always feel inferior. But also, I don't really want to be anyone's girlfriend at the moment. Teen relationships are so trite. Pathetic, even. I'm not really interested.
Oh shut up.
Onto something that doesn't envolve trying to deny how pathetic I am. I'm seriously considering writing some form of thesis on the internet and the text-types it has created. Just for fun. I'm fucking lame. *shakes head* See, I'm admitting how pathetic I am.
That's it for today I think. I've scooped all the thought out of my brain for one night.
caroline 21:25 [+] ...
:: Wednesday, May 14, 2003 ::
Today I'm typing with the cold barrel of a gun pressed nto my back. So like so many of my posts, this one has been intiated by the fierce demands of Jenny, rather than me actually having anything to say. So prepare to be bored.
Lets see. I did absolutely nothing today, as I stayed home and slept till about 2pm. So my day was largely uneventful. Actually make that entirely uneventful.
BUT! Placebo are coming to town! And hopefully I'll get to go. Placebo kick ass.
I told you I had nothing to write.
caroline 19:12 [+] ...
:: Saturday, May 10, 2003 ::
FINALLY!
I've been struggling with a particular template-fucking issue for quite a while now, and I'VE FINALLY FIXED IT! and I didn't even have male help! *giggles* Go me!
caroline 21:56 [+] ...
Germany -
Despite a controversial recent history, it has had a tough and powerful history. A modern-day technological and cultural beacon, it is still target to stereotypes and antiquited thoughts.
*smiles somewhat triumphantly*
I changed drama groups! Yay! Problem solved. I feel so much better in general. *breathes sigh of relief*
I feel like crapping on about nothing much. There's no-one online so my thoughts are festering inside my head. I'm not so much bored as... I d'know. Just waiting for something to happen. Like I'm in a kind of stasis until something interesting happens along. I have a feeling I'm going to be like that all weekend. It's only friday night, but the whole weekend already smells of boredom and wasted time. Although that doesn't make it particularly different to any other of my weekends.
School is abnormally shit at the moment. I mean, it's always shit, but the shit smells worse at the moment. I've been pulled up for my frequent absenses from study periods, and for my un-authorised leaving of school grounds at lunch. So now the teachers are watching, so I have to behave. I hate behaving. Lessons have been more tedious than usual, and I've been finding it harder to focus on the teachers' inane dribble. I've been tired, I've been disorgansised, I've been disfunctional. I've been eating too much junk food. I need to make changes. But I'm just too lazy. The story of my life.
It seems somehow that my emotions are inextricably linked to Jenny's. For some reason, we almost always feel the opposite of how the other is feeling. When she's in a bad mood, I'm content. When I'm feeling like shit, she's ecstatic, until we talk to eachother, and then it kind of balances out. That probably doesn't make sense, but I can't really explain it any better. It's just weird. *shrugs*
I don't have much else to say. Not that I had a lot to say in the first place, but I've expanded it as much as I can.
Aaron thinks you need an easily definable and explainable reason to dislike a person. i don't. Either you like someone or you don't. Even if you can't explain that dislike, it's still valid. The only reaosn I need to dislike a person is that I dislike them. That probably doesn't make any sense but i don't give a fuck.
caroline 19:45 [+] ...
:: ::
What Green Tastes Like. Funny shit.
"So don't bad mouth the potato. They'll find out where you live and steal your stereo."
caroline 19:41 [+] ...
:: ::
Okay, so I didn't post more last night. I was too busy (unsuccessfully) template-fucking. Fuck off.
I had a shit shit shit shit shit shit shit SHIT day. Fucking drama. Fucking everything. Today I skipped modern history I was so upset, so angry, I didn't want to go. So I walked up to the shop, got some comfort food, and went for a random walk. After a scary dose of irony, and being barked at by an army of dogs, I started walking back towards school. On the way, I thought about my options for getting out of the group from hell for drama. I came up with the one viable option aside from suicide. I'll drop drama. Easier said than done, being that I only have 10 units. But I figure I could do that pathways shit, like do my other 8 uniots this year and then do a biology course at tafe next year or something while working part time. It's not ideal, but I could live with it. It can't be worse than this.
YAY! with a little template-fucking I have successfully appropriated Jenny's blog, again! Nothing amazing though, just some site stats mainly for my own curiosity, down the bottom of the page. I'll post more later tonight.
caroline 18:36 [+] ...
:: ::
from the 3rd of May, because blogger was too busy fucking itself to let me post.
Another day, another blog entry that will bore my tiny audience to tears.. *shrugs*
Today's obligitory mention of the not-crush is a very self-pitying one. More so than usual. *watches as you collectively roll your eyes and skip to the next paragraph* I'm so pathetic. I cling desperately to the term "not-crush", but in all honesty, I know it's more. Which basically means I'm totally screwed. Sooo screwed. *meeps*
This year is going to be such a test on my sanity.
In other news... Oh wait, there IS no other news. hmmm. Sorry
Kitty's misinformed advice for the Day!
"to live without regrets, gain a basic understanding of temperal mechanics"
caroline 17:36 [+] ...
:: Thursday, May 01, 2003 ::
I don't think I've ever been the topic of gossip that wasn't malicious before now. It's terribly amusing. The entire grade so it seems is under the (mistaken) impression that I'm going out with Aaron. So nearly everyone in our group has been assaulted by people from the popular group asking whether it's true. LOL. Of course, no-one has actually asked ME. I find the fact that our grade is so lame as to latch on to a bullshit rumour like blood-starved leeches exceedingly funny. Wankers.
I need to find more stupid thingies to adopt and put on my page. i like wasting time and webspace.
today i coveted:
+junkfood
+not-crush's affection
+better marks
+a decent uniform
+my Ps
+talent
+my placebo album
caroline 21:33 [+] ...
