Oh bite me Jenny, I'm allowed to truant. Just because william Carey is in a hole and there's nowhere to wag to, doesn't mean you can get bitter and tell me off for truanting. It does mean. however, that i havce the constitutional right to laugh at you. :P So there.
I guess it's all irrelevent now, being that I'mn at school now anyway. freakin school. I had Maccas for breakfast though. So all up, it's been a good day *ignores the fact that it's not even 11 yet*
So, two of my friends are upset; one of them, it's directly my fault, the other is indirectly my fault. Fuck. I seem to be fucking everything over lately.
One day, a little bit of optimism followed me home. It was like a skinny, forlorn puppy, its big, hopeful eyes staring up at me, asking me for a meal, for a simple hug. At first I scorned that puppy, I had no time, besides, I had nothing to share with it. But it stuck around, nipping at my heals, until I begrudgingly fed it some scraps. Time passed and I kept feeding it, nurturing it, and it grew healthy. Soon we were inseperable, that puppy and I. WE came to depend on eachother.
Today I feel like kicking that puppy.
caroline 19:20 [+] ...
:: Monday, February 24, 2003 ::
I don't think I have anything to say.
I am:
excited,
silly,
vindictive,
nervous,
apprehensive,
scared,
elated,
confused,
content.
I have
a headache,
an imepending assessment or five,
a vague half-smile on my face,
nothing to say,
no ability whatsoever in regards to writng in sentences.
Me, procrastinate? Never! Honestly, I DON'T have things I should be doing. Honestly.
What are you looking at? I told you, there isn't stuff I'm supposed to be doing!
Ok, I'm lying. I should be doing drama, or ancient study. But fuck that. I'll do it later.
SHut up you.
Today was "take your obnoxious crying child out in public so it can annoy everyone else too" day. I went to Macquarie Centre, and apparently a lot of people realised what day it was. I have a headache. Stupid kids.
I think I'm done now, nothing left to say.
There are very few times when I regret having a blog that can be read by anyone. This is one of them. I'd love to tell you all why I'm nervously excited and vindictively joyous. BUT I can't. I'm sorry figments. Maybe I'll tell you later.
I'm glad it's the weekend. In fact I'm sop happy that I've conveniently forgotten I have drama notes to write and an exam to study for. Maybe I'll remember tomorrow. School work can get fucked for now. *sighs* Aside from schoolwork, everything in my life is going so well at the moment. I'm just so content this year.
This is the first time in ages I've worked in nearly all of my classes for any lengtrh of time,
the first time i've been to school for like a month solidly with no sick days.
The first time I've had friends who I really trust, and who I don't feel judged by, and who are always there when I need them.
The first time I've felt appreciated without feeling used.
It's also the first time I've had a crush and not gotten all depressed about it,
the first time I haven't pined to be my crush's girlfriend,
the first time I've waited until I actually knew the person before I had a crush on them.
In the past 6 months, I've become more patient, in the past 12, more tolerant.
In the past week, I've become less bitchy (but only a little)
In the past 3 months I've become less obsessive, in the past 12 more confident, and more comfortable with who I am as a person.
I've learned to love life a lot more. This has been a pretty mad year.
*does a vague happy dance, then remembers the no-dancing policy* oops.
To whom it may concern,
If I cared about your opinion in the slightest, I would be greatly insulted by the fact that you accused me of writing those 'jimmy pathetic' messages. However, your opinion is of no consequence to me, so I'm just slightly pissed off that you'd assume that I'd do what you described, and also pissed off that you had the nerve to accuse me in front of everyone. I know you dislike me, but I honestly thought you knew me better than that. *shrugs* Oh well.
*tries to think of something to say*
My life is so damn boring! and I feel sick from the stupid snackstop thingy i just had. uuerrrggghhh.
I NEED to do something interesting, something! ANTYHING!! I need a life. I really need a life.
I have tomorrow off, thank goodness. Freakin school.
Y'know, I should really try and write a post that isn't composed entirely of completely unrelated sentences. But i just don't think I'm that skilled. Anyone who's read more than one of my posts will be completely aware of my sheer and utter lack of talent when it comes to writing. I can't help it! I guess I was just born dumb. Stupid freakin smart people. Of all the people I know, why did I have to get a crsuh on one of the smartest? Am I just a glutton for punishment? I must be. Freakin smart people. Someone asked me why I liked (who I like) last night. It's an interesting question, because so much of why I like him is inexplicable. I mean, of course, I like him because he's entertaining and amusing, intellegent and fascinating and has beautiful smile. But I think there's something else too. I just can't put my finger on it.
Ugggh. I so need to get over him. Like, soon. Now preferably. I'm going to hold my breath till I get over him.
*holds breath*
*goes blue*
*gasps for air*
DAmmit, not workin. Freaking fascinating people. Bums.
I made a decision today. I decided that I had to either tell the person I liked now, or never tell him.
I made another decision after that. I decided that I would tell him, and soon.
And then I made a final decision following that.
I just can't fucking do it.
I don't want to fuck things up, or give him the wrong impression. Because I'm not in love with him, it's not even a real crush. He just fascinates me. I wouldn't go out with him anyway, it just wouldn't work. And to be honest, I don't want one of those intense, leechy relationships most people have when they're teenagers. How can you have fun in a relationship like that? ANd who wants to live for one other person only, when they're only 17, and haven't even seen the world?
LOL the funniest thing is, if I were a guy saying this, someone would call me a commitment phobe. I love being a girl.
Why do people put "BRB" in their blogs? It's not like anyone reading would KNOW you'd left for a while. Weird.
caroline 14:23 [+] ...
:: ::
TO ALL YOU POOR LOSERS WHO DIDN"T STAY THE NIGHT: IT ROCKED! hahah! So suck crap.
And shut up, it's 4am in the morning!
(i love in jokes.)
Meanwhile, I don't know that I'm all that fond of Rebekah. I don't know. I mean, I obviously don't know her well enough to make any sort of decision about her, but.... I just don't know. There's just something not right. Nyeh.
ANYWAYS!!!
Canberra was shit, but it was good to see Jen, and steal Dave's wallet and taunt him with it. Oh, and "what lies beneath" is one of the shittest movies ever. It's fucking funny, but I'm sure it isn't supposed to be. Don't watch it if you're a fan of Harrison Ford. You might want to commit suicide afterwards.
I'm allowed to be mildly irrational and very confusing, I'm a girl!
caroline 22:28 [+] ...
:: Wednesday, February 12, 2003 ::
Guess what!!!!
I have a fascination on *?*.
Do you know what's even more remarkable? I don't care!
So what if he doesn't feel the same? I probably wouldn't go out with him anyway.
And hey, at least I seem to have developed some taste in guys. At least *?* isn't a total bastard, nor does he drink blood. He's actually an all-round nice guy. Go me! I finally picked a good one! I'm so proud.
AND, I totally won't let things get weird this time. I just won't. Hey, it's not like I've convinced myself I'm in love with him or anything. I'm just fascinated by him, and there's nothing wrong with that.
YAY! Hurray for over-justification.
In a desperate bid to get a blog that actually works, I have a new Blog, with a new sign-in name, and a new address. And if this doesn't work, I think I'll kill myself.
